Summer: A reflection on our first summer as a Jack Kent Cooke Foundation Young Scholar

~There are two gifts we should give our children; one is roots, and the other is wings.~

Our "replacement" Gage.

It feels as if school just got out and here we are about to start again in a few short days. This was the first summer I really got a taste for what our next four years are going to be like with Gage. About a week after school got out Gage started summer school. He chose to take a computer applications class this summer so he would be able to take an extra elective his freshman year of high school. This along with football conditioning ate up every morning. He also spent a weekend volunteering with the Special Olympics. His hope is to make that an annual event!

Towards the end of June Gage and I were able to travel to Baltimore to Johns Hopkins University for Welcome Weekend for the JKCF Young Scholars. This was a four day event that taught us everything we needed to know about the program and how it works. It gave the 65 scholars a chance to bond with each other and the parents a chance to become friends. I believe it was during this weekend that I realized that Gage was in for the ride of his life and that as a mom it is my job to make sure he isn't afraid to take flight.

Gage and some of his friends from JKCF and from Explo.

Once we were back from Baltimore Gage had one week of summer before he left for the church mission trip. They went to San Augustine, Texas and the group that Gage worked with helped tear down and put up the basis for siding on a home. As a rising freshman this was his first trip with the high school kids and when he came home he told me he was glad to see me but that he wished he was still on the trip helping people out. That was the second time in less than three weeks that I heard the message that I had to let him fly.

Learning acoustic guitar at Explo.

Engineering Challanges

Once again he had a very quick turnaround and he was off on his JKCF adventure for the summer. He was headed to Wellesley College for Explo. Explo is a three week residential program for grades 8 and 9.With over 600 kids from all over the world this was going to be the biggest adventure Gage had ever been on. We knew we would miss him. This was the longest he had ever been away from us. What I wasn't prepared for was the changes we noticed in his last few weeks there. He would call or text and it was just like talking to a whole new child. He has made lifelong friends and experienced things he never would have gotten to experience in Kansas. He had adventures, made friends and even had his first date all while learning about architecture, business, guitar, football and engineering challenges. In the simplest of words he grew up.

Learning about architecture and what it can withstand.

On Saturday, Gage flies home. I know the child that started off this summer is not the same one that is coming home. He has grown in so many ways and is very well equipped to start high school.He is coming home and jumping right into the new year with church commitments on Sunday, football on Monday and classes on Tuesday.

I know the next four years are going to fly by and while in some regards it will be easy to let him go each summer for me it will be harder and harder. In four years he will be heading off to college. His educational path and the JKCF will take him anywhere he wants to go. While it is hard to imagine a time when for the majority or all of the year Gage doesn't live with us I know I will be more prepared for it because of his experiences through the Jack Kent Cooke Foundation.

Enjoying a PawSocks game in Rhode Island on a weekend trip.

~Being a good parent requires knowing when to push & when to back off, when to help & when to let them make mistakes & then being strong enough to watch them go.~

Peace

We embarked on a 31 days spending freeze. We did really well with just a couple times that we broke our freeze. Part way through the month the breaks on my car needed to be replaced. You have no idea how amazing it felt to be able to not stress about where the money to pay for those breaks was going to come from.

During the month of April we enrolled in Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. Our first class was last Tuesday but I had already started reading his book and following his advice. I am so proud to say at the end of this month we will have our emergency fund in place and will have already started to pay down debt. I have probably made fun of Dave Ramsey more than once in the past so I am taking some grief for jumping on this bandwagon but I feel what he is saying makes 100% sense.

I can't wait to continue to see what this journey holds. If you are under 30 and have not done Financial Peace University...DO IT! I wish I would have known in my 20's what I know today. If you are over 30 and haven't done FPU and find yourself living paycheck to paycheck or are in debt you need this class. You need to have the slap in the face makeover that Dave can give you. I can't express how much stress has been relieved already in one month.

Sometimes you have to take notice and listen

Sometimes God will do anything to get your attention. However, many times we ignore those blaring signals he uses to get that message to us. We have always been like children with money. Money comes in and money goes out and we never really budgeted. If we wanted it we bought it. When Ben went back to school we continued on this path. When the pharmacy Ben was working at closed in December of 2013 we continued just like we had. A year and three months later we finally got the blaring message that God had been trying to send us.

Ben has spent many many hours the last year putting in job applications. We made the decision finally at the end of March that we were going to follow the Dave Ramsey plan and go to Financial Peace University and get our lives in order. We started our month long spending freeze and signed up for the class. Here we are five days after making these changes and we now know that this is what God has been leading us to do all along.

Today Ben got the call that he starts Sunday night at UPS part time. He also has another interview this next week for full time employment and another possible job lead. When the woman from UPS called she told him he was lucky, normally it takes quite some time to get the paperwork back on people who have interviewed and his came back super fast. They hire on a first qualified basis. So if others paperwork had come in before his they wouldn't have had a position for him. 

I know that we had to get the message about spending frivolously and make the changes in our lives. Now that we have gotten that message and started those changes I see God at work in our lives even more then I did as we went through this. Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees. However, if you keep walking you will eventually get out of that forest and will be able to look back and say "That forest sure was big and sure was tough to get through but now that I'm on the other side it sure does feel great to look back and see that I am stronger because I have gone through it." 

If you are struggling in your life right now take a moment to sit back and listen. Think about the things in your life that may need a change. Start making those changes and you may be surprised to find that the trees start to thin out and you are out of the forest before long.

This blog is brought to you by the letter G and O and D and the number 1.

Dave Ramsey

Let me start by saying I have probably at some point in life made fun of my mom for liking Dave Ramsey. In the next breath, I drank the Kool-Aid. I recently came to the conclusion that it is time for my family to "grow up" when it comes to money. My last post talked about a 31 day spending freeze my family was doing and we are still doing that. However, we also started reading Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. I'm about halfway through his book and we have already put into place many of the things he talks about.

His first baby step is setting up an emergency fund. Yesterday for the first time in my adult life I set up a savings account and put half of our emergency fund in it. The other half will follow next month and after that we will start on baby step two which is paying off your debt snowball. I am done putting my head in the sand and ignoring how horrible we really are with money.

I know this is a very uncomfortable topic for 99% of the people I know. It is for me. However, if it is never discussed the issues we face will never go away. Ben and I have enrolled in Financial Peace University starting May 5th. I am excited to embark on that journey and see where it leads us. In the meantime I learned of Dave Ramsey's online budgeting tool at www.everydollar.com and have put in our budget for the month of April. If you don't currently budget I encourage you to go to this website (I get nothing if you do but peace of mind that I have shared a valuable tool with you) and start your budget. Be honest and realistic. As Dave would say, "You have to tell your money where to go".

Our family is done trying to "keep up with the Joneses". After all, the Joneses are probably in debt and we aren't going to be in debt forever.

No-Spend Challenge

I recently discovered an amazing blog called Living Well Spending Less. Ruth, who writes the blog, has an amazing story of not only her faith walk but also has fantastic tips on how to handle just about anything. While reading her blog one day I came across this post, No-Spend 31 day challenge. The basics are 31 days of no spending. There are a few exceptions, of course you still pay your bills and buy gas for your car. If you have certain scheduled events in your life you of course don't cancel. For example I have a trip to St. Louis for work this month and will spend money on this trip. I'll just be very cautious of what I spend.

Ben and I discussed if we thought we could do this and decided we could but wanted the kids to be able to have a say in this. Both were on board right away. I can't wait to see how this journey goes. If all goes well we will probably do this twice a year. Not only does it give us a chance to save money but it gives us a chance to appreciate what we have.

Anyone want to join us in this challenge?

The "I'm not dying just saying things that need to be said" post

This blog is to my friends. I'm going to call some of you out individually and if you are not mentioned here please don't think you are any less of a friend than anyone else. I just have a few things that I need to say. There are just some that need to hear what they mean to me and learn things they may not know.

I have always considered myself a "socially awkward friend". I love my chair and my TV and most of all my house. I'm not a good friend in other words. There are times that going out to someplace or to someones house seems like a chore. I'm fine once I get there but it's very easy to make excuses not to have to go.

• Lindsay. She probably doesn't know how hard it was for me to take the leap to go to her house the first time she invited us over to play cards. I super stressed about it before we went. I was certain I was going to say something dumb and that no one would like me. However, we went and we had an amazing time. I hadn't laughed that hard in a really long time. She has been such an awesome friend to my family ever since then. I really think that everyone who feels like I do should have a Lindsay in their life. Her amazing heart does great things for people and more should strive to be like her.

• James. He is the most awesome person I have ever met behind a theater! Sometimes I am certain that God puts us in the right spot at the right time and I know this was that case. My life is better because you are in it. I have that person to talk trash with while watching awards shows. I have seen your life change so much in the past year and a half that I can hardly believe you are the same person. I know that when I need an ear yours is there.

• Sally and Nathan. I'm going to tell a little story here that I haven't even shared with them before. Easter Sunday a couple years ago Ben and I were sitting on a bench in the narthex of the church and Sally and the kids were sitting on the other. I remember thinking that they had probably been going to COC for some years and I just didn't know them as we were fairly new to the church. My socially awkward self wanted to ask her a million questions but didn't for fear of sounding stupid. So we just pretty much sat there. We did talk about allergies a little bit and that was it. Until weeks later when Sally asked me to co-lead a small group with her. That took me WAY the heck out of my comfort zone but I am so glad I said yes. Even though I was probably the crappiest co-leader ever it led me to get to know Sally and Nathan so much better and to get to know Sharon. I am so sad that now that our friendship is completely on track that you are moving. I know it is only an hour away but I will miss you so much. You my friend are my "break out" friend. You helped me break out of my shell.

• Sharon. I watched you at the front of the church every Sunday so happy and friendly. I honestly figured you had been at COC forever. Getting to know you in small group was great but getting to know you over cards and El Ateron has been even better. Thank you for being you :)

• Cards family. You all bring so much laughter and happiness into my life. I love our little ragtag group of crazy people. I never thought I would be the person that would have people over to play games and have that wonderful feeling of a full house of people I truly care about. You all appear to accept me for who I am, unicorn head and all. May our group never go away. I know friends in it will come and go as life changes take place but know that anytime we play you are welcome.

• Brett. My Brettly. I love you. Mind you I didn't always. I was pretty certain Brett was the most stuck up person I have ever met. That may be why we are such great friends. I hate you when you send me videos and pictures from Disney World, but secretly wish you would send me more. You "get it" when it comes to me. I know I can always be me with you and that no matter what we are friends forever. Florida is a long way away but it hasn't stopped us!

• Work friends. You are all a group of not right people. I think that is why we all get along so well. I believe that we give each other such a hard time because we love each other so much. I know that Kathy would think I was sick if I didn't give her a hard time. I wouldn't even come close to loving my job as much as I do if it wasn't for you guys.   

• April. No friends list would be complete without April. My life wouldn't be complete without you. You has been my constant since kindergarten and I know that we are forever friends. We may not see each other as much as we would like or talk as frequently as we should but you are forever in my heart. Many times something will be said or happen in my daily life that makes me think of you. I can't imagine my life without you. I love you :)

• Ty. Oh what to say about Ty. I would probably consider Ty to be my male April. Who else would eat crappy Mexican food in Ulysses with us on fourth of July? Our time together is never boring. I would do anything for him and I am pretty certain he would do anything for me. Plus how could I not be friends with someone who is able to laugh hysterically at 50,000 volts!

• Sarah, Christel and Amanda. We don't see each other near as much as we should. I know that no matter how long goes between visits that we will still pick up where we left off. I know that when life's big crisis' happen that you are the friends I want to talk to. Distance makes our friendship harder but thanks to Facebook I feel a part of each of your lives.  

•  Heather. We are only an hour and a half away but sometimes it feels like we may as well be on opposite sides of the earth for as little as we really see each other. We need to talk more. Our friendship is deep. Sometimes I think of the "old days" when we were both young and dumb and I can't help but to smile. I am so proud of the person you have become and it feels great to see your dreams coming true.

To the many others that I have missed in this list and I know there are tons of you please know that without each of you in my life I wouldn't be who I am today. One of my goals in 2015 is to take a selfie with each and everyone of you. Sometimes I may not act like the best friend by forgetting birthdays or important events in your life but know that I love you all. If you ever need anything please call me. In 2015 I am going to be a better friend. I am going to get out of my chair and enjoy life with you all. I want to spend more time sharing meals, laughs, drinks, cards, tears and love.

Now that all of that is out. I am not dying. This seems a list someone would make when their world was ending but mine is not. It is just beginning. I spent a few years down because I didn't feel that I had very many friends but making this list has made me realize I have always had the friends. I just haven't always been the friend they needed back. Thanks for sticking by me.